I have spent the most part of my career being interested in how people cope with the loss of the loving relationship.

  Most of my study has been confined to the psycho­ logical approach to human loss but as of recent I have been interested in examining what religious thinking has to say about, not death, but pain and suffering which are seemingly constant companions with us throughout or lives. I venture to say that probably most people know what their own particular religious thinking has to say about death and life after death. Those topics alone fill volumes of big books in thousands of libraries across the globe, and so much information exists concerning what religions have to say about death that it makes the study of such approaches almost impossible. However this is not the case with pain and suffering. Most religions are direct and concise when it comes to interpreting pain and suffering, and not just physical pain and suffering, but emotional, spiritual, and internal pain and suffering.

  We have all felt it and have been kicked by the pain and suffering which is a part of each of our respective journey in life. If the truth be told pain and suffering, particularly the ones that come out of the blue have a weight of awesome size. I have heard it referred to as an emotional tidal wave which sweeps one under time and again. But the plain fact is that suffering in an inextricable part of life and no one can escape its grasp.

  There are many variables as to the causes and consequences of pain and suffering. Certainly the loss of a loving relationship whether it be a literal or figurative death must top the list. Regardless the list of painful life experiences is endless. It is even true that some people receive more of their share of suffering as compared to others. Life at times may even appear to be picking on us while leaving others alone.

  A self-limiting factor to pain may exist, but in the end pain cannot be measured or avoided and it certainly cannot be honestly compared. People can get close to feeling another person’s feelings but in the end pain and suffering is first and foremost an alone experience.

  As St. Sebastian once said, “When you’re stuck with seventeen arrows already the eighteenth one doesn’t hurt much.” Pain and suffering therefore cannot be added up in a ledger, it is special, it is unique and it is incomparable.

  Despite our generation’s endless stream of books, tapes, videos, seminars, workshops, lectures, preaching and guides on “The Joy of...” or “How To Be...” sadness, suffering, pain, grief, and loss are inevitable realities of the human experience. Despite all the “pop” psychology and endless talk show therapies on how not to feel guilty, or how not to be angry or grieve, one way or another suffering and pain will still find each one of us.

  In fact they are always beside us, journeying through life with us, the pain of physical injury, loneliness, failure, isolations, fear, fractured relationships or just the pain of taking a long look into the future where surely certain other pains and sufferings which we cannot possibly predict lie in silent wait. This is not a negative thought in the least - it is simply life reality.

  People of different cultures, religions, spiritualities and theological thought have wrestled with an understanding of why there is pain and suffering and their explanations and thinking have come out very different from each other which makes for a very interesting subject.

  Let us begin with Buddha. For the Buddhist suffering is caused by human desire, plain and simple. As the Buddhist sage wrote: “So many things a person may be bound to so many thorns of sorrow and pain are planted in the heart.” For the Buddhist one does not suffer for the loss of a love, friends, heirlooms, youth or death unless what was lost was important enough to desire it back. Easy enough for some.

  The Hindu sees God as many faceted. God is one and at the same time Vishnu and Creator, Krishna the sustainer, and Siva the destroyer. In Hindu thought destruction and creation go hand-in-hand. The growth of new plants in the soil is dependent upon the destruction of old plants - it is the life and death cycle. Destruction and creation go together, and suffering is an inevitable part of this union, even if it means the destruction of cities in Europe during the Second World War by bombing raids.

  For the Orthodox Christian, Jew and Muslim suffering on earth originated in Adam and Eve and their inquisitive disobedience to God. Because of this disobedience the world is full of plunder and error. People just do bad and stupid things all the time and do them to others. The earth is raped of natural resources by greed and selfishness, weapons of mass destruction are built not for peace but to eradicate each other, homes and gigantic dams and major cities are built knowingly right over earthquake faults. From this particular religious perspective it is mighty difficult to deny or to be made brutally aware of the fact that much of our pain and suffering on earth is of our own making and continued perpetuation.

  As one wise thinker once said “Religion is the last subject the intellectual tackles.” Well said, for the religious beliefs briefly described here offer a vast array of different thoughts and notions concerning the causal agents of pain and suffering, and some of them just might make people uncomfortable, but let us press ahead regardless. So just as one should not ignore the lessons and teaching passed on by these religions or theologies, so perhaps one should not expect any single religion or theology to satisfy the quest in finding out the answer to the causes of pain and suffering.

  If, as the Buddhist says suffering is caused by desire, then the answer is abundantly clear as the Buddha taught: Stop desiring. This seems to be sensible. Stop wanting the new car and you will probably be content with the old one. However if one carries this religious thinking of non-desiring to its logical end one arrives at a state of total disinterest and indifference to living life and living it with others. This thinking means giving up the joy of human relationships, giving up falling in love, the bliss of love and the caring for another human being. The Buddhist say that the more intense the desire the greater the pain and suffering at the absence - which is indeed a true risk in life, but is it wise to abolish the risk of anguish by forbidding the heights of happiness and joy?

  The Hindu says to simply stop fighting and accept suffering and pain. Destruction and creation go hand­ in-hand. However in taking this religious thinking to its logical end means that we would be really wise to destroy as much as possible to fulfill the betterment of creation. If short-term misfortunes for some contribute to the long-term general good for the world, as the Hindu say, then the more misfortunes there are, the better everything will be. For example: the Hindu would say that the saturation bombing of Rotterdam, Holland and the death of one hundred thousand Dutch people is a good thing if out of the ruins a beautiful new city grows. However I personally would like to ask this question: is this suffering too high a price to pay for new creation?

  The ancient Jew, whose exclusive covenant with God said that as long as they followed Yahweh aright He would take care of them. History however has clearly written a story of the Jews. It is a story which tells of a people who in their repeated defeats and exiles have faced the reality of pain and suffering over and over again for centuries upon centuries.

  The ancient Christian religious teaching that the righteous shall prosper and avoid suffering seems also to possess several limitations. The first limitation is simply that the experience of life itself refutes the notion of righteousness. You cannot go four chapters in the Old Testament before this idea is refuted.

  Then in the book of Job, God makes Job suffer un­ justly. Job’s friends all come to sit and talk with him, but they would rather find out his secret sins than give up their belief that anyone who loves God could be both suffering and innocent at the same time, which is the main point of the Book of Job.

  We may be responsible for and at times we may participate in bringing about some of our own suffering. However, it seems that neither we as individuals, nor as members of the human family are guilty of all of our own pain all the time. There are numerous examples of people who must carry the yoke of the suffering artificially, not in martyrdom, but in guilt. It seems to be a safe truth that we will all be weak, in pain, and suffering at some stage of our lives, through no fault of our own.

  So after all this, what can one conclude about pain and suffering? Suffering is a complicated, arbitrary, indiscriminate, and inextricable and yes a capricious part of life. It is a nuisance that possesses wisdom. Suffering and pain tears away the boundaries that are created by really any religious thinking - not one of them have the entire truth concerning this subject - but they all possess glimmers of divine truth. Suffering and pain goes where it likes and it does exactly what it wants, when it wants. Our only option is finding the way to navigate through these rough and stormy waters. Frequently the deepest lessons of life are taught only through the most painful encounters. Often getting what you want leaves one static and frozen in repeated pleasures from the past. Getting what you do not want, what one may even fight for, can teach more about pleasure and good than time ever could.

  Frederick Nietzsche one said: “That, which does not kill me, makes me strong.” Todd W. Van Beck says not always Freddy but sometimes.

  Pain and suffering also requires a type of respect for the good that it may do. C. S. Lewis wrote: “Pain pro­ vides an opportunity for personal heroism, and the opportunity is seized by millions with surprising frequency.”

  These final remarks I fear will be anticlimactic. Suffering remains among us and in us. Solutions to get through it are there but they must be searched out. In the end people go on day by day and for the most part I believe they make the best of life as they can.

  The famous British philosopher William H.H. Snodgrass offers us a short poem called “After Experience” that I believe expresses a faith, offers hope, and give us resilience in the experience of pain and suffering.

Never fear suffering. The heaviness...

You may return it to the earth’s own weight.

The mountains are heavy, heavy the seas.

And you, why you could not sustain even the trees

Your childhood planted, long since grown to be great.

Never fear suffering- it will pass

In time you will be as great as the trees.

Suffering “IS.” It is everywhere, and successful living is tackling this eternal “IS.”