As the holidays quickly approach, our thoughts turn, not just to what we are going to give, but what is it that we want? While the old adage, “‘tis better to give than to receive,” may be true, it is in our nature to still act like six year olds making a mental list of the items we think would be wonderful to be given, even if they don’t fit under our tree. A ticket to a far off exotic location, a new car in the driveway with a red bow tied around it or even a beautiful urn containing our loved one. What???? Who would ever consider this to be an appropriate gift? Yet this is exactly what one person had in mind when she called our office. Here is the gist of the conversation:
Customer: Do you sell urns?
Me: Floral or for cremated remains?
Customer: I need something to put part of my mother in. She died a few years ago and I still have her at home.
Me: Are you looking for a place to bury her?
Customer: No. She already has a grave with a marker next to my Dad, but I don’t want to put her there.
Me: So what are thinking you would like to do?
Customer: I want to purchase a pretty urn and give some of her to my sister for her Christmas present.
After regaining my composure, I suggested that she come to our office to discuss this further. I also explained to her the reasons that final placement in her grave was the gift she should consider giving this year.
What has become of our society when the giving away of a loved one’s remains is considered a “gift?” We have heard of people attending a funeral service being given portions of the cremated remains to “scatter where they think is appropriate.” We have heard of children cleaning out parent’s homes only to discover grandma or grandpa still reside in the back of the closet. We have even heard stories of people purchasing a pretty vase at a garage sale only to discover that the contents inside are not awaiting water and cut flowers.
It seems our disposable society has deemed it proper to look at the human remains as something that can be stored, distributed or dumped with no attachment to the idea that this is actually a part of a human body. It is part of their loved one’s corporeal remains. Have we become so disassociated with death that cremation has opened the door to seeing cremains as something other than what they are?
What does this say about the job we are doing as an industry of educating our customers? Are we gladly accepting their direct cremation business without further discussion of final placement? Are we so happy to handle the funeral service that we put off worrying about if/when the family is going to pick up the cremains or make arrangements with the family for burial? Are we willing to look the other way when another set of cremains (human or pet) is slipped into the casket prior to burial? Where are we when the situation calls upon us to explain to a family that cremation is not the end of the process? It is only upon final disposition in a permanent resting place that our job is truly done.
Let’s vow not to let another person experience the heartache of having nowhere to go to pay respects because their loved one is being kept in another person’s home. Let us never read another article that tells the tale of a home burglary where the “keepsake box” that was taken actually had the remains of their baby in it. Let us not stand by silently while yet another family mistakes cremated remains for a party favor, a decorating accessory or a Christmas present.
I wish for each of you a very happy holiday season filled with the joy that being with family and friends can bring. Of a season devoted to service, faith and love. May all of the things on your “wish list” come true and may you find gifts that fulfill your spirit, as well as your “inner six year old” under your tree this year. As for me, I am looking forward to my trip to Bora Bora…hint, hint.