The American culture measures much of what we do in terms of time. Our cultural slang is resplendent with sayings concerning time: “A stitch in time saves nine” (whatever that means?); “Time waits for no one”; “Time is money.” Time, how it is used or abused, is an important factor in the funeral interview. These days quick/fast time is ingrained in the American psyche. If a meal at McDonalds takes too long people become impatient, annoyed, or angry, while some simply march out and go elsewhere.
I am not suggesting ordering at McDonalds is on the same level as the funeral interview, but I am saying people will care for their dead in a consistent manner with how they live their lives. If people expect fast food in fast time the probability is high that they will march into the funeral/cemetery office with the same expectation.
When we schedule a funeral interview for ten in the morning, are we there and actually available promptly at ten? Promptness is more than a matter of courtesy. The longer bereaved clients are kept waiting the more they can start to wonder what else will be mishandled? They might silently think they are of no importance to us. Or, wonder will we be fair and honest with them since our action may have already set the stage for mistrust.
Experienced funeral directors or cemeterians know full well that many times what the family’s imaginations can whip up about us is amazingly unreal, but the important point to remember is that no matter how unfounded or exaggerated their thoughts are, it is real to the person who imagined it!
If the appointment time can’t be kept provide an honest explanation. Don’t include shop talk, such as, “Oh, I am sorry I am running late, we just got back from a house call, and you know how slow the police are in situations like this.” Your explanation should be short and sweet, “My apologies to you, I was unavoidably delayed, and I do hope you will forgive me.”
Time can be abused in other ways. For instance, someone rushes into the funeral home/cemetery unannounced and insists on seeing you at once. This can be a sticky wicket because many times it is beyond our ability to drop everything and see them. I have concluded that the death of another human being can indeed create a crisis, but I have discovered that what is a crisis to a client should not toss the funeral home/cemetery into a crisis.
To be sure it is understandable that most any person would be upset, nervous, grieved, and sad when they need our attention. No funeral interview should take so long, that a walk-in cannot be tended to in a reasonable time frame.
If there was no appointment made and you are serving another client or on a service you are legitimately occupied. If the client family must see you that day they will have to wait until you are free or make an appointment to see someone else.
This is not a policy that is uncaring. On the contrary, were you to see this family when preoccupied with other client concerns or the very worse try to see them both simultaneously, you would not treat either of them in the way they deserve. It is best to do everything we can to set up appointments, and stick to them, and if we cannot see a walk-in or random appointment without taking away from other set appointments we need to be firm but gentle that a set appointment needs to be made.
Part of my love of funeral service is my memories of the extremely interesting funeral professionals whom I worked with in the infancy of my career. I mentioned the high risk activities of trying to serve two family clients simultaneously. I actually saw a funeral director attempt this. I believe to this day that he thought it would work, but in the end it was a colossal flop.
This director was a modern day Narcissus, self-absorbed, he actually thought that he could say whatever he wanted to anybody and thought any death call required a response time which would compare to an ambulance complete with high speed, siren and lights.
One day a scheduled family arrived, and in they went with this particular funeral director to make arrangements. About ten minutes later a second family arrived directly from the hospital where their father had died. As I was explaining to the second family that the funeral director was engaged, which they totally understood, my associate came flying out of the arrangement office, saw the second family, froze in his tracks, and then plunged and bungled into our conversation and told them that he would wait on them immediately.
He took them into a second office, and the funeral arrangement acrobatics began. The funeral home staff watched him run from office to office like a lunatic. One staff member actually had a stop watch and kept time. This odd and strange scrambling funeral director got through it, but the truth is both families felt rushed, and one even complained. I thought both should have complained.
Even when confronted with the client complaint this funeral director refused to admit that he had done a foolish and reckless thing by being insensitive and disorganized about use of his professional time.
Setting interview times, moving the funeral interview on with gentle persistence has wisdom and will help solve a myriad of potential difficulties. Sometimes boundaries must be clearly drawn, as some people go on talking not realizing they are repeating themselves. Some clients may not know how to end the interview, get up, and leave. They may feel that the polite thing to do is sit and await a signal from the funeral director that the interview is over.
I do not mean that we should ever rush a client family. We should make clear to them upfront the time available so that they can orient themselves within it. I have no precise answer as to how long an interview should be but as one veteran funeral director said to me many years ago two considerations concerning interviewing time need to be at least considered 1) we are not wasting the family client’s time, and 2) the funeral interview has to come to an end sometime.
If you must and are compelled to interview several client families in one day, always allow a few minutes between funeral interviews. Otherwise you may, like I have done many times, in your mind, keep on talking to family A while family B is sitting there. Family B is entitled to your full attention.
Get family A off your mind before seeing family B. To do this you may well need a few minutes to mull things over, note on your work sheet what you promised family A you would look into, or just sit back or take a walk around the funeral home once to get ready for family B. Try it. It works. —TVB