After 32 years of calling Buffalo, NY home I am on the move. Good-bye snow shovels, hello sunglasses as I settle in the Sunshine State, Florida. After ten years of working within the cemetery side of our industry, I am excited to say that I will be working with Jim Rudolph at Veterans Funeral Care providing aftercare programs, community outreach and marketing. Jim founded his company specifically to cater to the special needs of veterans and their families. It has grown into a provider network of over 160 funeral homes across the country. Most of all, it is staffed by some of the most caring professionals working at the highest level of integrity in every interaction and I am honored to be afforded the opportunity to learn from them and offer my expertise in grief support and community outreach.
As I transition into the next chapter of my life, I am reminded of the people that I have served and how they must adjust to the next chapter in their lives while grieving. I think of everyone who has had to shift, change and adapt to what life brings our way. While mine is a welcome change, there is also an element of grief as I move away from my home, my friends, my work and all that I cherish here. I have had to put to good use the tools that I teach and I would like to share some of these with the hopes of helping you and those you serve.
• Surrender – Each day I write the letter “S” on my wrist. When I look at it, I am reminded to Surrender to whatever comes. In the beginning, I will admit that I fought the move. I loved my life as it was and did not have a job or place to live in Florida. I was reluctant to change, but as each piece fell into place I realized that sometimes there are greater forces at work in our lives and all we can do is give in and allow our paths to unfold.
• Plan – Organization is key when making a move or just in getting ready for each day. Without it we flounder and waste time on senseless tasks. My clipboard is always by my side ready for me to list each phone call, errand and “To Do” so that I don’t forget a thing. No matter what your system is to stay focused and prepared, having and using it is essential.
• Relax - Needless worry only steals your peace today. When life gets hyper-busy, worry only takes you away from what is in front of you right now. We can project out so many fears that will never occur or we can do whatever we can right now, including taking time for ourselves. Times of transitions call out for radical self-care. So, meet a friend for coffee, take a walk, work in your garden, play golf. No matter what feeds your soul, this is the time to nourish it.
• Visualize – The unknown future can be scary, but you can create it to be anything, at least in your imagination. Close your eyes and picture what life may hold in store for you. Make a vision board or fill a spiral notebook with photos and words of what you are seeking in your next chapter.
• T.T.F.N. – Tigger’s good-bye of “Ta Ta For Now” is one to embrace. As I move on, I/we need to keep in mind that as we open new doors, we don’t slam shut the one we’re leaving behind. We live and work in our community and you never want to leave on a bad note. Do everything you can to make sure that the company, home or people you are leaving are left in a better place than when you arrived.
When I officiate at a funeral service, I always make note that there is no true “closure.” We bring with us the memories of our loved ones in all that we are and all that we do. The same is true of our own personal experiences. They become a part of us and those individuals that have touched our lives will always remain an influence in our lives in some way.
As for this column? It continues, with new insights and stories as I venture south into the unknown and exciting world that awaits me there. If you are in the Tampa/St. Pete area, look me up and we’ll have lunch at the Columbia.