To operate any business you must have guidelines and rules in place. This goes for both management, staff and the clients you serve. However, there is a time when rules were made to be broken…or at least re-evaluated. With the demand for more and more personalized services, our clients are letting us know that “status quo” is a definite “NO!” They want to feel like their service is unique and special and reflects their loved one’s interests and personality. This is not a trend or a fad, it is the way it is and it is not going away. Putting some photo boards on easels is no longer enough. We have all seen the funerals with Harleys in the parking lot, dogs at the wake and kazoos handed out at the funeral for one final rendition of Moon River.

  Cemeteries are also finding the need to re-visit policies when it comes to a family’s wishes. What can be engraved on a monument? Are there copyright issues involved? Are nicknames acceptable? What about being buried with a silver tea set placed on top of the casket? (Something that actually was done at our cemetery.) Can family members drink a toast at the grave or bring a marching band through the cemetery roads? I had one man who waited until the end of the graveside service for his dad, before he calmly opened up a cooler, took out a beer, began to pour it into his father’s open grave and announced, “This is my Dad’s Holy Water.”

  Walk through any cemetery and you will find a variety of ways that people memorialize their loved one’s grave. Monuments of all shapes and sizes still grace the grounds. Strolling through you will find many items left behind at the grave – many of which are “against the rules.” In the infant section, you may find teddy bears for the babies or packs of gum on a toddler’s stone. We have one family who comes out every Thanksgiving and leaves behind a full Thanksgiving meal on a paper plate at their loved one’s grave. This is their way of including him in their family dinner.

  On one of my walks, I found two very unique ways of remembering their loved one. The first grave had a basket filled with golf balls next to it. Each time someone came to visit, they would drop a ball into the basket and the family would have a measurable, tangible, personal way of knowing that their loved one was not forgotten.

  At another grave, I discovered the one thing that this man could not live (or apparently die) without, for at the foot of his monument was his trusty remote control. I hope, for his sake, that there is Cable TV in Heaven.

  The question is not “if” people are going to insist on personalization; the question is, how are you going to respond? We can show them our policy manuals and explain to them why their request cannot be fulfilled or we can ask questions to understand why the request is so important to them. By having a greater understanding of what someone wants and why they want it helps us in the decision making process. There may be a compromise solution available that works for both parties involved. Remember we are in a Catch 22 situation. If you bend the rules for one, be prepared to bend them again and be aware that you may anger those who have come before with a similar request and been turned down. If we stand rigid and respond “This is the way we have always done it,” chances are you are going to lose that family to someone else. Ask questions, let the family tell their story, LISTEN to what they are saying in order to truly understand why they are saying it. Of course, any policies that have to do with the safety of staff and visitors must be “set in stone” and can never be waived for any reason.

  All things in life change and we must be open to these changes. It isn’t smart to change just for the sake of change, but we must realize that the families we serve today want different products and services than the families we served ten years ago. The families we serve in 2025 will want something different than we offer now. Although some requests that may not fit our normal way of operating, we must always treat each one with the consideration and respect that each family deserves.