Last month I began to explore how giving criticism is more than what the dictionary tell us. It is more than expressing our disapproval, telling another person what their faults and mistakes are, and letting them know how they can fix them. To be constructive we must realize how imperfect we are before we criticize someone else. We must understand every time we offer criticism that we are asking that person to help us.
    Every time we criticize someone else we are asking that person to please change so that our life will be easier and their life will be better. Writing these words again I can almost hear someone saying huh…that doesn’t make sense. When I tell someone how they can improve it is for them not for me. Really? Think about it.
    Are you saying when someone in your company or your world improves the way they approach life, treat other people, or do something that your life gets harder? That seems impossible. Unless I concentrate only on how much more that person needs to do to meet my standards or somehow I process their improvement(s) into my being inferior I cannot imagine how someone becoming better at something makes my life harder. If you can then maybe it is time to find new ways to be grateful for every improvement people make.
    Sitting in judgment makes it impossible for us to help ourselves or others become more. When we judge we can only say what is good or bad, wrong or right. To be constructive we must go beyond judgment and embrace that no one, including ourselves, is on this planet to be perfect. We are here to learn, grow and become our best self so that we may give our best to each other and the world.  
    To be constructive we need to open ourselves up to our own imperfections and realize that no one is able to go above their abilities without the right tools, support and encouragement. This does not mean that we always need to give criticism in a way that makes people feel warm and fuzzy. There are times when the most constructive thing we can do is tell it like it is.
    When a person’s actions continually hurt themselves or others we need to do more than provide the right tools, support and encouragement. There comes a time when we need to empower that person to choose to stop causing pain right now or move on. The trick is getting to this point before I get to my wits end because I know if I fly off the handle I will only create more pain for them and for me.
    The only way I can be constructive in these moments is to step back, realize, and acknowledge that I am unable to give whatever this person needs for them to be able to become their best self. My imperfection is a part of the problem, not the whole problem, just a part of the reason this person is continually making harmful choices.
    Admitting that my inabilities are a part of the reason this person is causing pain helps me remember that every time I ask someone to change I am asking that person to please make my life easier and their life better. Knowing this gives me the ability to tell the person what I need them to change if they want to stay a part of my world and that I understand if moving on is best for them.
    I now know when I offer criticism that I am telling someone what I need. For it to be constructive I need to be open to receiving what they need in that moment to become their best self. I look forward to learning your thoughts on what criticism is and how we can get better at communicating what we need and want from each other. 
    Please give me a ring at 781-331-5308, email me at Kristan@mooneytunco.com, or…even better…join the conversation on the Lets Chat Blog at www.nomispublications.com. And remember to come visit my family and me at the NFDA convention in Nashville.