What is it about criticism that can make us cringe? Is it how someone tells us or how we hear it? My first thought is that it must be both. Isn’t this why we strive to offer “constructive criticism?” We hope if we correct someone in the kindest most constructive manner possible that they will take our words to heart, not become defensive, and change their behavior to our “right” way of thinking.
We figure if we put ourselves in their place that our words will cut through the sting of criticism and allow them to benefit from our experience. If we do it right they will realize where they are wrong and become more productive, easier to work with, or just plain better. Ah how easy life would be if criticism could be that simple.
Imagine the improvements we could make if all it took to change someone else was to be kind when we told them why they were wrong and how they could be better, and “poof” they listen, agree, and do as we tell them! Can you picture it? How many of your problems would go away if the person causing them would just heed your advice, be grateful that you care about helping them become a better person, and do as you tell them?
Come to think of it: how many of our problems would go away if we would just accept our own advice, be grateful there is a way that we can improve, and do what we know is best for ourselves and our lives? I am guessing most of them because I know almost all … no, I take that back. I know that all of the hiccups in my life would be gone if I would just do everything I already know I need to do to become the best me.
When I look at criticism from this angle I finally realize that I am asking the other person to please help me. Every time I try to tweak someone into becoming a better person a part of me is asking them to work on themselves so that I do not have to do work on me that I do not want to do right now. Sure I’m giving them the benefit of my experience and almost always telling them to improve something I’m working on or wish I would work on myself, but this does not change what criticism is.
Criticism is asking a person to please change so that our life will be easier and their life will be better. What is wrong with that? Nothing! We only run into problems if we forget that we are asking for help with a problem and refuse to be open to their suggestion(s) on how we can improve every time we offer someone our critique.
How we say it matters! How we hear criticism and what we do with it may benefit us even more. Unfortunately I am over this column’s word limit. Upside I get to continue these thoughts next month and with any luck I’ll be able to share some thoughts from your fellow funeral directors and cemetery managers. Please give me a ring at 781-331-5308, email me at kristan@mooneytunco.com, or better yet join the conversation on the Lets Chat Blog at www.nomispublications.com.
See Kristan at NFDA Booth #1133