October 2021

Page A8 OCTOBER 2021 FUNERAL HOME & CEMETERY NEWS Se c t i on A By Linda Findlay Aftercare not recovered? I think, for me, it means that recovery simply does not apply. I will never get over and recover from the death of my child. To the outside world, many may say that I look like I have recovered. From the depth of my heart, I am not so sure. From an intellectual point of view, I know that I have not recovered from grief in the sense that everything is restored to the way it was before my daughter died. I knew from early on that it was unlikely that life would ever be the same, yet at the beginning of loss, this was difficult to accept. I began a process – a journey towards reconciliation – where I had to learn to adapt to living with my daughter in my heart. There were many tasks that I had to process through. I had to learn to effectively experience and express the reality of the death of my daughter. I had to fully embrace the pain of the loss, while learning how to ensure that I was tak- ing care of myself physically, emotionally and spiritually. I had to learn how to relate to my daughter and feel con- nected to my daughter through my memory of her in- stead of her physical presence. I had to learn about who I was in a life that she no longer was a part of on this earth. What was my role? I was supposed to be a mother, caring for a child. I had to relate to the experience of her death to a context of new meaning in life. I had to learn that I could not do this journey alone. I needed help, I needed support, for a very long time! When I work with grieving families, I encourage them to take care of themselves first. I encourage them to con- sider a new perspective about their loss that will help them to begin to clarify their “new” identity. I share with them the idea that they will begin to discover a new sense of meaning in life. What seemed important before, is not so much so now. Ultimately, I have found that they recognize that finding a network of supportive relationships, wheth- er through close family and friends or support groups and community support, will help them along the way. Grief done alone, is grief twofold. I encourage self-kindness, gentleness and patience. Taking it one day at a time, just might not cut it. Taking one minute at a time is all that may be possible. Finally, I ask that they trust that it will get better. I wish I can tell them how that will happen and how long that will take, but, I can’t. It gets better because it just does! I feel that my journey of grief has been a path of per- sonal reconciliation instead of recovery . The loss of my daughter is a part of who I am. It will never leave me. I will never recover in the defini- tion of what recovery means – I choose reconciliation. Recovery or Reconciliation I have been thinking about the word recovery . There are a few thoughts that come to mind. There is recov- ery from illness, from addictions and from a bad econ- omy. The word recovery has also been used when de- scribing the ultimate outcome from the experience of loss. It is this last definition that I want to talk about. The question that I pose is, do we ever really recover from the loss of a loved one? I can’t answer this ques- tion with 100% certainty for anyone, but I can share what my experience has been with the families whom I have worked with and from my own personal loss. I have worked in this bereavement world and with grieving families for over 30 years. At this point, I have had countless conversations with people who are grieving. My conversations begin soon after a loved one has died. One of my greatest blessings is being al- lowed the privilege of walking along side people dur- ing their early days of grief and often times, my walk with them can span the course of many years. Wheth- er it is because of additional losses down the road or simply staying in touch, my walk has gone from be- ginning to end for many. I feel that the human spir- it is resilient. I have found that if people want to feel better and have a desire to hold on to hope, they will move through their loss and into a “new” life. It is hard work that takes a long time for some. But, can I say that they have really recovered? Most recover to a new normal with the ability to enjoy life again. Most learn that joy and grief can coexist. But I can tell you that for many, they could say that their loss can seem like it was many years ago but yet, it can feel as though it were just yesterday. My own personal experience of loss has felt like this through the years. My infant daughter died 32 years ago. We just passed her 32 nd Angelversary. As I sat and reflected…yes, I can say that I still feel that her loss was long ago, and at the same time, it can feel as though it were yesterday. Does that mean that I have Linda Findlay is the founder of Mourning Discoveries, Grief Support Services. She is a 29-year career Aftercare Coordinator, a published author, and an advocate for bereaved families. She is the founder and co-creator of The Grief Cruises and manag - ing partner with The International Grief Institute. Linda can be reached at 315-725-6132 or Lf6643@yahoo.com. Visit www.mourningdiscoveries.com, www.thegriefcruises.com or www.internationalgriefinstitute.com. F U N E R A L H O M E & C E M E T E R Y N E W S w w w . N o m i s P u b l i c a t i o n s . c o m Monthly Columns online at P o i nt to C ons i der : Ongoing grief support, a.k.a., Aftercare , is so very important – it is valuable beyond measure! But, remember, Aftercare means different things to different funeral directors. Grieving people need trusted advisors who can companion them along the way with support, resources and opportunities to share and connect! What does your Aftercare program provide for grieving families? 1-888-792-9315 • mymortuarycooler.com NASHVILLE, TN BOOTH #545 We produce case volume reports for every licensed funeral firm in these States: Alaska, California, Colorado, Connecticut, Florida, Georgia, Iowa, Massachusetts, Minnesota, Mississippi, Montana, Nebraska, Nevada, North Dakota, Ohio, Oklahoma, Oregon, Tennessee, Texas, Washington, Wisconsin Do you know your market share? We do. FUNERAL CONVERGENCE www.FuneralConvergence.com Phone (831) 221 - 0075 Phaneuf Funeral Homes and Crematorium acquires Fournier-Hale Funeral Home ane Smith and long-time co-worker Angela Berwald continued services, keeping in mind the mission, philoso- phy, and traditions of NMS. Upon Di- ane’s retirement in 2020, with a seam- less transition, ownership transferred to Angie. The strength of the NMS family led by President and CEO, An- gie and longtime employee and Vice President, Kahlen Knapik has result- ed in continued growth while helping hometown funeral directors around the world with out-of-town deaths. To celebrate the 40-year anniversa- ry attendees of the upcoming NFDA convention will have an opportuni- ty for a chance to win a round trip, 4-night, all-inclusive vacation to Can- cun. Learn more about NMS’s logis- tics and services at Booth 2000 or vis- it www.natlmortuaryshipping.com. National Mortuary Shipping and Cremation Celebrates 40 Years of Service to the Industry Angela Berwald Diane Smith Kahlen Knapik CLEVELAND,OH— The year 2021 marks 40 years of service to the funeral industry by National Mortuary Ship- ping and Cremation (NMS). Founded in 1981 by Robert P. Smith, NMS has grown to become one of the world’s largest mortuary shipping and trade companies, assisting funeral directors with their out-of-town needs anywhere around the globe. Upon the passing of Robert Smith in 2006, his wife Di- MANCHESTER,NH—Phaneuf Funeral Homes and Cre- matorium has acquired privately-owned Fournier-Hale Fu- neral Home, located at 144Main Street inNorthWoodstock. The purchase of Fournier-Hale extends Phaneuf Funeral Homes’ caring and compassionate services deeper into New Hampshire. Phaneuf will honor all existing and pre-planned arrangements previously made with Fournier-Hale. All of the Fournier-Hale website obituaries will be pre- served onto the Phaneuf website. Phaneuf ’s team of dedi- cated providers are ready to immediately assist all families that have arrangements through Fournier-Hale. “NewHampshire families come to us during one of the most distressing times in their lives – the loss of a loved one. Our top priority is and always will be providing exceptional service. Our team ensures the experience of our families is as seamless as possible, including options that fit into their budget,” said Phaneuf. “Adding Fournier-Hale to the Phaneuf family pro- vides us the ability to expand the quality of service we provide to our community members across New Hampshire.” For questions about existing arrangements with Fournier- Hale, email Phaneuf president and CEO Arthur “Buddy” Phaneuf at buddy@phaneuf.net or call 603-625-5777.