October 2021

Page A32 OCTOBER 2021 FUNERAL HOME & CEMETERY NEWS Se c t i on A new and even stronger attributes, skills and values. In the end, my hope is that I can look back and say, “I would never wish this horrible experience on anyone, but ultimately it has made me a better person.” • Courage – to grieve takes courage to face your loneliness, your feelings of self-doubt or regrets, your need to reinvent yourself, and continue liv- ing in a way that your wife would approve. • Love – as I regained my psycho-emotional bal- ance again, I realized that the whole grieving process was about expressing my deep abiding love for my wife. Because I suffered so much over her passing, I was acknowledging how much she meant to me and how important she was to my very being. This revised and expanded understanding of grief has helped me to emerge from this experience as a stronger and better person, a person my wife would have been proud of. No matter your faith (or non-faith) our lives are of- ten about renewal and rebirth. For Christians, Eas- ter is a time of remembering and honoring the res- urrection of Jesus Christ. For members of the Jewish faith, Passover is a celebration of spring, of birth and rebirth, of a journey from slavery to freedom, and of taking responsibility for yourself, the communi- ty, and the world. There are many other celebrations around the world with similar messages. To me, this sense of renewal and rebirth ties in beautifully with our eventual emergence from grief into a new and better expression of our self. Grief causes us to confront our pain and guilt. This forces us to build a new foundation upon which we can construct a new self. This new self can carry forward all that was good about us in the past, all the attributes, skills, and values that our wives instilled into us…while also growing Share this with a Widower (Part 2) Grief is Love! Five years ago, I would have used the following words to define grief : physical and emotional pain, suffering, anguish, cruelty, punishment, abandonment, loss of self, guilt, misery, and loneliness. I experienced all of these, and I saw no way to sur- vive them or to become whole again. I found the same to be true of my fellow travelers during Men’s Grief Group meetings. A frequent question was, “How can I survive this?” During my second year of grieving, I began to evolve and to expand my definition of grief to include: for- giveness, cathartic, purifying, therapeutic, honor, courage, and most importantly… love . • Forgiveness – grieving forced me to confront my own self-doubts and regrets (the could-of ’s, would- of ’s, and should-of ’s) about our marriage and how I conducted myself during her illness, etc. • Cathartic – the pain of grieving purged me, forcing me to confront and expel those parts of my behav- ior which were not in line with honoring my wife. • Purifying – as I progressed in my grief, I found myself becoming much more emotive, empathetic, and nurturing towards others. • Therapeutic – the expression of my grief, whether one-on-one or in groups or in writing, was both curative and restorative, gradually helping me to become more whole again. • Honor – over time I came to accept that grieving truly was my way of honoring my wife and all that she meant to me, and my way of remembering her. By Fred Colby Working With Widowers Fred Colby has served as a director, board member and consul- tant for nonprofit organizations in California and Colorado. After his wife, Theresa, died in 2015 Fred shifted his focus to writing and leadership roles to help his fellow widowers heal and re-engage with life. He co-founded the Pathways Hospice Men’s Grief Group and an online grief group. He resides in Ft. Collins, Colorado. For more information go to: www.fredcolby.com. Fred Colby’s new 2nd edition blends his own story with research, observa- tions, and experiences during the first year of grieving the loss of his wife, plus what he learned after his first edition was printed. The book is in part a result of his frustration with the lack of other in-depth or quality materials available to help fellow widowers. His search for an- W idower to W idower Surviving the End of Your Most Important Relationship N ew S econd E dition To see what others are saying about W idower to W idower go to https://www.fredcolby.com/media Special Offer — 5 Books for $49.99 https://www.fredcolby.com/buy-books/order-5-pack-for-groups w w w . F r e d C o l b y . c o m swers took him to group meetings, individual counseling sessions, writings by fellow widowers, and discussions resulting from hap - penstance meetings with fellow travelers on the grief journey. Cremation Urns, Jewelry & Keepsakes 941-751-3382 www. BOGATI URNS.com Order Direct at 1-800-782-8249 Free UPS Ground Shipping www.mccordcasketsandvaults.com NEWS Association CONTINUED CANA in Seattle for 103rd Convention things cremation. Robbie Pape inspired leaders to Own It! in the keynote, followed by Leili McMurrough’s in- sights on the modern workforce, closing with roundta- bles with innovators to share and listen on challenges and solutions from the field. The second day was packed with solutions for permanent memorialization from Robert Hunsaker and Dr. Lynn Gibson, groundbreaking re- search by Homesteaders Life and CANA delivered by Kemmis, and a panel discussing local trends with Char Continued from Page A31 Continued on Page A33 SEND US YOUR NEWS! PO Box 5159 Youngstown, Oh 44514 1-800-321-7479 info@nomispublications.com Carpenter Barrett discussing home funerals, Katrina Spade on natural organic reduction, and Sandra Walker on alkaline hydrolysis and making these ideas work in the funeral home and cemetery facilitated by Glenda Stans- bury. Each presentation brought new energy to the room and engaged attendees with new ideas. CANA knows not everyone is ready to reconnect in- person. The decision to travel involves more than judging