June 2020

Page A20 JUNE 2020 FUNERAL HOME & CEMETERY NEWS S ec t i on A Helping Widowers in Isolation By Fred Colby COVID-19 is forcing widowers to self-isolate even more than they normally would! This puts them at great risk. During this critical time you may speak with them only by phone or in a brief meeting with social distancing. What can you possibly say to help them to survive the loss of their long-time spouse? As a funeral professional YOU may be one of very few outside contacts for them during their grieving. As such, you are also one of a very few who can help them. If you do help them, they will be very grateful to you. Right now they are probably unable to have dinner with their family, go out for a beer with their friends, attend church, go to work, eat out at a restaurant, or participate in group hikes, dances, ball games, or other activities. Family and friends are often hesitant to reach out to widowers as they may be afraid to intrude during their grieving…or afraid they will say the wrong thing. Widowers often are advised to avoid self-isolation. It can be harmful to their physical and mental health. Fear, anger, doubt, and depression can run rampant. Destructive behaviors such as alcoholism and drug use are common. This can lead to alienation from family, friends, co-workers, and neighbors. Widowers are often told to get out, try new activities, meet new people, and reach out to those who are still in their life. All of this is critical to eventual healing. But now they are forced to isolate-in-place due to CO- VID-19. So, how the heck are they supposed to heal?? I am going to suggest something that you might think is counter-intuitive: Many widowers need to find a new purpose in their lives… so you can encourage them to identify people or organizations who need help (e.g. picking up groceries for others). Suggest they take a walk and pick up trash to clean up their neighborhood or park…or go pull some weeds which can be a very therapeutic project. In other words, encourage them to find new ways to maintain their contact with others and to be active. Discourage them from using this pandemic as an ex- cuse to take their isolation to a new level! Encourage them to reach out to others, and to not wait for others to reach out to them. You can also share the following link to dozens of free blogs and resources designed to help every widower to find answers and support: www.fredcolby.com/blogs By Fred Colby and Herb Knoll Working With Widowers Here are a few suggestions you can make to help them to engage with others: • call (video call if possible) at least one person each day and have a real conversation • text and email friends and family daily • communicate with others through Facebook (avoid po- litical stuff) • exchange ideas on how you are dealing with the crisis • view humorous or inspiring Facebook posts addressing our situation, such as Chris Mann. • join online video groups now being offered through Meetup.com Also, encourage them to: • exercise, exercise, exercise – and eat right • try meditation – there are many free ones on Youtube • reduce stress by reading or listening to people like Eck- hart Tolle • change their routine – mix it up • try journaling to record thoughts and feelings • keep the television or music on to fill the void • find a home project that keeps them occupied and gives them a clear goal • plan one positive thing for the future, such as a road trip to visit family or old friends, something that gives them an amazing thing to look forward to. Losing a loved one was not something new to Fred Colby. However, the death of his father and stepfather at a young age did not pre- pare Fred for the pain and emotional turmoil he suffered when his wife of 42 years, Theresa, died after a yearlong bout with uterine cancer. His therapist challenged him to put his grief and lessons- learned into words to help others going through the same hell- on-earth experience. Though he has extensive professional writing experience, Widower to Widower is his first book. For more infor- mation, go to www.fredcolby.com. FUNERAL HOME & CEMETERY NEWS www.nomispublications.com Monthly Columns online at him to group meetings, individual counseling sessions, writings by fellow widowers, and discussions resulting from happenstance meetings with fellow travelers on the grief journey. Special Offer: 33% off Six-Packs! Visit https://www.fredcolby.com/buy-books/order -6-pak-for-groups Widower to Widower: Surviving the End of Your Most Important Relationship Fred Colby's first book blends blogs he wrote be- fore, during and after his wife's passing, together with his research, observations, and experiences during the first year of grieving her loss. The book is in part a result of his frustration with the lack of other in-depth or quality materials available to help fellow widowers. His search for answers took It is up to each widower to reach out to others - now more than ever - and you can encourage them to do so! mymortuarycooler.com Are you state compliant? like to learn how they can support those who have. Funded by the Funeral Service Foundation’s COV- ID-19 Crisis Response Fund and created in partnership with NFDA as part of its consumer outreach and ed- ucation initiative, Remem- bering A Life, the booklet is available at no charge to all of funeral service to share with families and communi- ty outreach organizations. “Now more than ever, fu- neral service professionals are called upon to safely and compassionately serve fami- lies and communities,” said Foundation chair Anthony Guerra. “The Foundation, through our COVID-19 Crisis Response Fund, is honored to equip our last re- COVID-19 INDUSTRY RESPONSE Funeral Service Foundation and NFDA Team up to Offer Free Resource for Families Grieving a Death during the COVID-19 Pandemic BROOKFIELD,WI— The Fu- neral Service Foundation and the National Funer- al Directors Association (NFDA) have teamed up to offer a free 12-page booklet entitled Grieving Alone &To- gether: Responding to the Loss of Your Loved One During the COVID-19 Pandemic Writ- ten by certified thanatologist Sara Murphy, Ph.D., CT, with a forward by Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D., the book- let offers guidance to any- one who has experienced the death of a loved one during the pandemic or who would comes to grieving the death of a loved one,” said R. Bry- ant Hightower, president of NFDA. “I cannot imagine how painful it is for families to, not only be dealing with the death of their loved one, but also be unable to fully participate in the traditions and rituals that bring them comfort. It’s my hope that this booklet will help fami- lies find meaningful ways to honor the life of their loved one and begin to grieve and heal. I urge funeral direc- tors everywhere to join me in making this resource avail- able in their communities.” Funeral service profession- als and all who serve grieving families can order free copies via www.funeralservicefoun- dation.org . Those interest- ed simply pay shipping. An e-book version that funeral homes and organizations can embed on websites and share on social media platforms is also available online. On RememberingALife. com, consumers can read a digital version of the booklet or request a free printed copy via www.rememberingalife. com/griefguide . The booklet will be shared with consum- ers via the Remembering A Life social media channels sponders with a free resource that will help them further strengthen those community bonds.” The resource covers the na- ture of grief; traumatic loss and its triggers; ambiguous losses; and the risk of disen- franchised grief. It also ad- dresses the importance of talking to children about death and memorialization and the difficulties of being separated from a loved one at the time of their death. The booklet provides guid- ance on how families can meaningfully celebrate the life of their loved one and discusses the importance of maintaining your health while grieving. “This pandemic has put us in new territory when it www.nomispublications.com News Funeral Home & Cemetery online