Page A20 MAY 2022 FUNERAL HOME & CEMETERY NEWS Se c t i on A some incredibly difficult lessons while grieving for our wives. This does not relieve us of having to go through more grieving when we lose someone else, but it at least prepares us for it. Perhaps we are also more willing to accept help as we make our way through our new grief. Most importantly, our prior experience taught us that no matter how painful the new grief is, we know that we can survive it. We now know that we are not going crazy, but we are just experiencing what is the normal grief process. So, if you are confronted with this multiple death and grieving scenario, don’t let your guard down, and be sure to employ every lesson you learned during your grieving for your wife to help you navigate this new trial. Resiliency Despite Multiple Deaths Two years after my wife’s death, almost to the week, my mother passed away. As I gathered with my five siblings to honor our mom, I could not help but notice the difference in the grieving process. While I grieved for my mother, it was not as intense as the grief I went through for my wife. However, I did have a re-emergence of my grief for my deceased wife. For many of us, the death of our spouse may not have been the first or be the last death of a loved one that we will experience. And for some of us, it may be just one of a string of deaths in a relatively short time frame. This has been especially true over the past two years. I have heard of fellow widowers losing parents, children, siblings, close friends, and even beloved pets within a short time of losing their wives. Some have lost as many as three others in that time frame. When these other losses occur, they can trigger all our grief symptoms again and again. It may feel like you have regressed to the first few months of grieving. Others may not understand why you are grieving so much. If these multiple losses are a part of your experience, you can be forgiven for thinking that you are cursed, and for wondering just how much pain one person can take. As I hear these stories I am amazed at our resiliency and ability to keep going! I gave up trying to reconcile or justify the different grief processes I went through for my wife and my mom. Eventually, I came to terms with the fact that they are just plain different. I had to accept these differences and process each one in its unique way. I recognize that some widowers will have had a very special relationship with the parent, child, sibling, friend, or pet that they lost after their wife’s death. This might result in grieving that is just as painful and difficult to deal with as your wife’s passing. For each of us, it will be different. But what is common for all of us is that we have learned By Fred Colby Fred Colby has served as a director, board member and consultant for nonprofit organizations in California and Colorado. After his wife, Theresa, died in 2015 Fred shifted his focus to writing and leadership roles to help his fellow widowers heal and re-engage with life. He co-founded the Pathways Hospice Men’s Grief Group and an online grief group. He resides in Ft. Collins, Colorado. For more information go to: www.fredcolby.com. Fred Colby’s new 2nd edition blends his own story with research, observations, and experiences during the first year of grieving the loss of his wife, plus what he learned after his first edition was printed. The book is in part a result of his frustration with the lack of other in-depth or quality materials available to help fellow widowers. His search for anWidower to Widower Surviving the End of Your Most Important Relationship New Second Edition To see what others are saying about Widower to Widower go to https://www.fredcolby.com/media Special Offer — 5 Books for $49.99 https://www.fredcolby.com/buy-books/order-5-pack-for-groups w w w. Fr e dCo l b y . c o m swers took him to group meetings, individual counseling sessions, writings by fellow widowers, and discussions resulting from happenstance meetings with fellow travelers on the grief journey. Scan QR for our website 1-888-792-9315 • mymortuarycooler.com Mortuary Coolers starting at $5,899 Virginia Department of Veterans Services Names Graham Superintendent of Southwest Virginia Veterans Cemetery Take Funeral Service Insider’s Annual Compensation Survey D. Travis Graham DUBLIN,VA—The Virginia Department of Veterans Services (DVS) has announced that D. Travis Graham has been named Superintendent of the Southwest Virginia Veterans Cemetery in Dublin, VA. A native and lifelong resident of Southwest Virginia, Graham joined DVS as Caretaker Manager of the Southwest Virginia Veterans Cemetery in May 2020. He is a graduate of New River Community College and Virginia Tech. Prior to joining DVS, Graham served in multiple professional capacities at Virginia Tech in Blacksburg and owned and operated a construction business in Montgomery County. “Travis has been instrumental in both building and leading the very talented DVS team that we have at the Dublin cemetery as well as ensuring the grounds are always kept in immaculate condition,” said Michael Henshaw, DVS Director of State Veterans Cemeteries. “His experience, expertise and dedication to the cemetery, our veterans and families made him the ideal candidate to fill the position of Superintendent.” “Being born and raised in Southwest Virginia will also be a benefit to Travis as he conducts outreach in the surrounding communities to raise awareness about the cemetery and the many other benefits for veterans and their families that the Virginia Department of Veterans Services provides,” Henshaw added. The Southwest Virginia Veterans Cemetery opened in 2011 and is located at 5550 Bagging Plant Road, Dublin, VA 24084. There are three state veterans’ cemeteries (Dublin, Amelia, and Suffolk) and three active national cemeteries (Culpeper, Danville, and Quantico) which provide a dignified final resting place for Virginia veterans and eligible dependents. For more information about Virginia’s state veteran cemeteries, visit www.dvs.virginia.gov/cemeteries. For more information about national cemeteries in Virginia, visit https://www.cem.va.gov/cems/state.asp?STATE=VA. WALL,NJ— It’s that time. Funeral Service Insider’s annual compensation survey is now open. The funeral industry weekly e-newsletter invites those in the funeral industry to participate in this annual event so Funeral Service Insider can continue to keep readers informed about the comings and goings in the funeral industry. Every year, funeral service professionals eagerly look forward to the results of this survey, which is open to all funeral home professionals. The survey is anonymous, so participants should feel free to be as honest and candid as possible with their responses. The results will serve as a rich resource to determine how funeral homes are paying their staff, whether salaries are going up or down, how funeral homes are compensating employees beyond salary and benefits. The confidential survey results issue is one of Funeral Service Insider’s most popular issues (the issue will be announced shortly). The final results will be coupled with insights from top experts to help funeral home owners and managers determine how to pay and motivate employees to ensure a successful business. “This survey always provides the entire funeral service community with valuable insights and ideas about how to pay staff, how pay levels in funeral service in general are fluctuating and what to expect in the coming years,” says Lynn Cavanaugh, editor of Funeral Service Insider. “This year, the results should prove particularly interesting because of the pandemic and how it has affected compensation, bonuses, retention and employee benefits over the last year. The more people who take this survey, the more people benefit.” Visit www.surveymonkey.com/r/FSIcompensationsurvey to take the survey online. If they do not subscribe to Funeral Service Insider, they can still get a free copy of the published report based on the survey results by responding and providing their email address at the end. Funeral Service Insider is published by KatesBoylston Publications, which also publishes American Funeral Director and American Cemetery & Cremation magazine. The company has been helping funeral professionals succeed and serve since 1877. Visit www.katesboylston.com for more information. Send Us Your News! We welcome news of the industry. info@NomisPublications.com PO Box 5159, Youngstown, OH 44514 CALL 1-800-321-7479 FUNERAL HOME & CEMETERY NEWS Working With Widowers
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