May 2021

Page A20 MAY 2021 FUNERAL HOME & CEMETERY NEWS Se c t i on A find a productive outlet… one which relieves the stress and anxiety, and one which lets you gradually leave the anger behind you. Some of the best advice I received was to “embrace your grief,” because this in turn allows you to process it and to heal. In other words, don’t fight it. Instead accept that pain is a part of the healing process and then you can gradually move beyond it and reengage with life again. someone. This can include: • implying that you or your wife somehow deserved this, or • hinting that your wife or you did not pray enough, or • saying you don’t have to be sad, just decide to be hap- py, or • affirming that everything happens for a reason, so ev- erything will be all right in the end, or • asking a mundane question without thinking, such as, “How are you?” or • suggesting that your grieving is just a for a short period and you will be stronger for it. When we are angry it helps to remember that anger takes time away from processing our loss, from remembering the good part of what we had, and from honoring our wife’s memory. As difficult as it is, it helps to focus on confining our expressions of anger to times when we can just let it out. This may mean going to the mountain or beach by yourself, entering a closet in your home, or screaming into a pillow. If you don’t release this pent-up anger, frustration, con- fusion, and anxiety, you risk having it come out at an in- opportune time and ruining valued relationships. If you lash out at those close to you, try to explain to them why what they said or did makes you angry. Over time, I learned to forgive others for being “insensitive,” and for- give myself for saying or doing the wrong thing in return. This means being vulnerable, sharing your grief and even anger with others. By doing this we let the anger Why Are Some Widowers So Angry? Shortly after my wife’s death, I went to the moun- tains by myself for a week and screamed as loud and often as I wanted to. But now, five years later, I no lon- ger feel the anger I felt then. I now forget how easy it was to cut myself off from others, and to let the anger and depression take over. Why do we become so angry? The obvious reason is because we have lost the love of our life… literally she was ripped away from us. As a facilitator of a Men’s Grief Group, I often hear widowers speak openly about the anger which wells up within them and how that an- ger can take over and interfere with their relationships and their ability to process their grief. Anger can warp our social filters, limit our ability to communicate, and put us on edge. I AM NOT SAY- INGTHAT WE SHOULD NOT BE ANGRY! Anger is a normal part of the grieving process, and it is OK, even healthy, to express it. The danger is that it be- comes dominant and does not allow us to process other feelings and thoughts important to our healing. These feelings can lead to unresolved grief, depression, anxi- ety, and even aggravated physical issues. Sometimes we may be mad at ourselves or our spouse for some reason. This can result in regret and anger that leads to an endless cycle of pain and sorrow. We can only move beyond it if we forgive them and ourselves. Comments from others may seem insensitive and feed our anger. There are many societal, religious, or group-think inspired responses that sound reasonable to the uninitiated, but sound terrible when you lose By Fred Colby Working With Widowers Losing a loved one was not something new to Fred Colby. However, the death of his father and stepfather at a young age did not prepare Fred for the pain and emotional turmoil he suf- fered when his wife of 42 years, Theresa, died after a yearlong bout with uterine cancer. His therapist challenged him to put his grief and lessons-learned into words to help others going through the same hell-on-earth experience. Though he has ex- tensive professional writing experience, Widower to Widower is his first book. For more information, go to www.fredcolby.com. FUNERAL HOME & CEMETERY NEWS www.nomispublications.com Monthly Columns online at W idower to W idower : S urviving the E nd of Y our M ost I mportant R elationship T estimonies and R eviews for Widower to Widower “I bought this book after the passing of my wife, Pam, of thirty years. Must buy and read, greatest gift to give to yourself. You need to get this book to help in the healing process and to know you are not ‘crazy.’” –Tim Paris “I was in a very dark place after my dearest wife (Vicki Barton King) passed. Fred Colby’s book was a great help. I strongly recommend it to all widowers!” –R.E. Rex King “Great book! The sooner a widower reads it after losing his wife the better.” –Pat Krummel S ee M ore T estimonies at https://www.fredcolby.com/media Save $35 — 6 Books for $54.99 https://www.fredcolby.com/buy-books/order- 6-pak-for-groups f or more i nformat i on v i s i t w w w . F r e d C o l b y . c o m Order Direct at 1-800-782-8249 Free UPS Ground Shipping www.mccordcasketsandvaults.com The Fan Man, Inc. Fans Calendars Urns Register Books Dresses Advertising Specialties John Mannion “WhatEver You Need” 1-800-671-8280 Cell: 803-417-2940 Thefanman@comporium.net bankersadvertising.com/thefanman LAFAYETTE,NJ— As Ohio has been home to more hearse and ambu- lance building special- ist firms than any other state, it’s most fitting that the Professional Car So- ciety’s 44th Annual In- ternational Meet will be staged in The Buckeye State from Monday, June 28th through Saturday, July 3rd, 2021. The PCS Ohio Chapter - which no- tably attracted an all-time club record 131 pro-cars to the last International Meet it hosted in 2011 - will headquarter this year’s gathering at the Mohican State Lodge whose GPS address is 4700 Goon Road in Perrysville. The full itinerary post- ed at https://www.thepro- fessionalcarsociety.org/ 2021-meet.html includes visits to Mansfield’s Fire Museum and downtown Carousel District; Amish Country attractions’; and the fearsome, fortress-like Ohio State Reformatory where 1994’s The Shaw- shank Redemption was fa- mously filmed. The meet’s main events will surely be the Friday, July 2nd Pro- fessional Car Concours in the Mohican State Lodge’s parking lot and the club’s Saturday, July 3rd appear- ance at the Annual Car Show and Antique Festival Hearse & Ambulance Collectors Heading to Ohio for the Professional Car Society’s 2021 Meet By Gregg D. Merksamer 1946 Flxible Buicks Inside Flxible plant in Loudonville. Circa 1951 in Loudonville, OH where The Flxible Company man- ufactured mostly Buick-based hearses and ambulances from 1925 through 1964. Local residents might never have a better opportunity to properly admire the profes- sional cars built with pride and skill in their community, as well as those of other renowned Ohio coachbuilders like Superior of Lima, Miller-Meteor of Piqua, Sayers & Scovill of Cincinnati and the Shop of Siebert in Toledo. While the PCS’ Constitution and judging rules expressly prohibit macabre miscellany like coffins, cobwebs, skele- tons so the public’s attention stays focused on the aesthet- ics and fine craftsmanship of the participating pro-cars, they do permit hearses and flower cars containing flo- Continued on Page A21 Scan QR for our website 1-888-792-9315 • mymortuarycooler.com Mortuary Coolers starting at $4,299 Beat the price increase increase coming March 2021 Beat the price increase coming June 2021