February 2021

Page A20 FEBRUARY 2021 FUNERAL HOME & CEMETERY NEWS Se c t i on A www. vischerfuneralsupplies.com XL industries inc. Call: 406-449-4100 • Visit: www.XLIndustries.com Available Through Quality Suppliers Made in USA It’s time to upgrade your Display Stands! Providing the Best-Designed Tools for Your Services Since 1926. Dozens of products that give you years of service and store compactly when not in use. Lightweight and easy to take to gravesides or churches. Portable Folding Display Table Basket Stands “A” Floral Rack Nesting Stands that deal with their issues in such a elucidating and humane way. You can also share the following link to books, blogs and resources designed to help every widower to find answers and support: https://www.fredcolby.com/ • Working with area churches to establish grief groups; or • Offering gift copies of books written to help wid- owers (Fred Colby and Herb Knoll offer two books that are established leaders in the genre) Widowers are often desperate to find shows/movies that speak to their predicament. I like to recommend the following to the widowers in my grief group: 1. The Kominsky Method on Netflix stars Michael Douglas and Alan Arkin who plays the role of a just widowed former agent for the stars who strug- gles with his loss. The show touches on real topics with humor and humanity. 2. After Life on Netflix starring Ricky Gervais as a deeply grieving widower who deals with depres- sion and suicidal thoughts. This realistic drama comedy is disturbing during the first few episodes as the lead character struggles to find his footing. 3. A Man Called Ove available on Amazon Prime with a Swedish cast (subtitles) in this comedic take on the adjustments a widower goes through while learning to live on his own. Also available in a well written paperback novel. 4. The Unicorn , starring Walton Goggins, follows a recently widowed landscaper and his friends as they adjust together to his new status. The first season dealt with some of the challenges of a new- ly minted widower with seriousness and humor. As miserable as they may be, the amazing thing is that widowers do still have a sense of humor and can still appreciate a good laugh, often at their own ex- pense. I know that while I was in the early stages of my grief after losing my wife of 45 years, I truly en- joyed the distraction of a good comedy show. You will not regret recommending any of these shows to a widower, and they will be grateful to find story lines Herb Knoll Working With Widowers Fred Colby A Kind Word Saves a Widower By Fred Colby Amazing, but true! When a widower is buried in their grief, just one kind word from someone can make their grief bearable and make their chances of surviving their grief more likely. More than once a friend called me at just the right time and offered kinds words of support, or to meet with me, or to help in some way. I fully understand the reluctance of others to say anything at all to a widower for fear of saying the wrong thing. Let’s face it, men make terrible wid- ows because they are so well-trained to NOT be in touch with their emotions. The result is someone who is unprepared to experience and process their grief. This often results in a state of confusion, an- ger, fear, and even a belief that they are going crazy. And because so few people reach out to them, they are often left to fend for themselves. They can find themselves isolated with little human contact and support. Without their wife to use as a sound- ing board, their verbal and written expressions may be clumsy and inappropriate at times. As a defense mechanism they may act like they don’t care what you or others think. But the reality is that they do care, and they do need help. You can be that help! If you are willing to take the risk, you can provide a widower with a life raft in the midst of their storm. It can be as simple as: • Encouraging them to tell their story, and taking the time to hear it; • Telling them that these feelings are normal and that with help and time it can get better; • Offering them a list of area providers of grief counseling; • Suggesting they reach out to their remaining family members and friends; Losing a loved one was not something new to Fred Colby. However, the death of his father and stepfather at a young age did not pre- pare Fred for the pain and emotional turmoil he suffered when his wife of 42 years, Theresa, died after a yearlong bout with uterine can- cer. His therapist challenged him to put his grief and lessons-learned into words to help others going through the same hell-on-earth ex- perience. Though he has extensive professional writing experience, Widower to Widower is his first book. For more information, go to www.fredcolby.com. FUNERAL HOME & CEMETERY NEWS www.nomispublications.com Monthly Columns online at to group meetings, individual counseling sessions, writings by fel- low widowers, and discussions resulting from happenstance meetings with fellow travelers on the grief journey. Special Offer: 6 books for $59.94! Visit https://www.fredcolby.com/buy-books/order- 6-pak-for-groups Widower to Widower: Surviving the End of Your Most Important Relationship Fred Colby's first book blends blogs he wrote be - fore, during and after his wife's passing, together with his research, observations, and experiences during the first year of grieving her loss. The book is in part a result of his frustration with the lack of other in-depth or quality materials available to help fellow widowers. His search for answers took him Barnes family, with two little boys in tow, franti- cally scrambled to evacu- ate their Santa Rosa, CA home. Smoke burned their lungs. Ash stung their eyes. Nearby fires raged, engulfing homes as howling winds fed the flames. In the end, the Tubbs Fire, deemed one of the most destructive wildfires in California history, destroyed more than 5,643 homes, in- cluding the Barnes’. They returned to the lot where their house once stood, to gain closure and confront the harsh reality that the house was truly gone. But seeing the empty lot had a pro- Home opens the Door to Healing after Devastating Loss SANTA ROSA,CA— In the wee hours of Octo- ber 9, 2017, the disori- ented and panic-stricken Continued on Page A21 Digital Directory Now Available Visit www.nomispublications.com Read the Funeral Home & Cemetery News Electronic Version Search the Online Directories Download instantly at www.nomispublications.com Save on Shipping!