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FEBRUARY 2013
FUNERAL HOME & CEMETERY NEWS
S ec t i on A
MEMORIAL - DIGITAL - FRAMES
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With certifications as a Laughter Leader, Funeral Celebrant, Grief
Services Provider and Grief Management Specialist, Nancy Weil is
uniquely qualified to bring new perspectives and new ways to help
clients heal from the pain of grief as well as reduce stress for profes-
sionals in the industry.
As director of aftercare at Mount Calvary Cemetery in Buffalo,
NY, Nancy has developed one of the most comprehensive aftercare
programs of any cemetery in the country in order to support fami-
lies following the death of a loved one. A professional public speak-
er, Nancy is available to speak to your staff, association or confer-
ence, bringing her passionate interest in the healing qualities and
therapeutic benefits of laughter across the country. Her new book,
If Stress Doesn’t Kill You, Your Family Might, filled with tools that
work to reduce stress, can be found through her website, www.The-
LaughAcademy.com. You can contact Nancy at nancyw@mountcal-
varycemetery.com or visi
By Nancy Weil
Lips trembling, the little boy walked with as much dig-
nity as he could towards his family assembled in the corner
of the back yard. In his hands he held a shoe box carrying
a special friend. His mother managed a small smile at the
sight of her young son trying so hard to maintain the so-
lemnity of such a sad occasion.
When he reached his destination, he reluctantly handed
over his treasure to his father who quickly kneeled down
and placed the box in the hole he had dug moments ear-
lier under the oak tree. Standing back up, his dad began to
speak. “Today we gather to say good-bye to a friend and
teacher, Cuddles the Hamster.” Tears began to roll slowly
down the young boy’s cheeks. This was his first experience
with death, but it would not be his last.
Howmany of us have had our first brush with grief come
at the loss of a hamster, dog or fish? How many make-
shift pet cemeteries do backyards contain? How often have
the familiar prayers been said over a non-human friend’s
grave? What impact do these funerals have on future deci-
sions when it comes to their own family member’s funerals
and burials?
Youth is the time when many of our approaches to life
are set. We learn from our parents the traditions and cul-
tural expectations surrounding life events. How we handle
the loss of a loved one is often learned when our dear pets
die. If parents treat the loss with dignity, even holding a small
service, then we grow up expecting the same for those we
love. By creating a burial space, we have the comfort of know-
ing that there is a place where we can go to visit and remem-
ber – be it mouse or Mom.
Too often the loss is pushed aside or dismissed as “just an
animal.” Perhaps parents don’t want to see their child in emo-
tional distress. They may promise to replace the pet with a
new one, thinking that this will ease the loss and distract the
child from their pain. However well meant, this approach
does not allow the child to be in touch with his feelings, to
mourn and to heal. It may leave him bewildered when it is
a person, who cannot be easily replaced with a “like mod-
el.” They have no reference point on how to act, how to feel
and what to do. We, the funeral professionals, are then put
into the place of being the one to guide and teach. We intro-
duce comforting rituals and ceremonies that help the person
to navigate their grief.
It can also become an issue when the person expects to be
buried with their beloved pets. Discreetly placing small wood-
en boxes filled with the cremated remains of “fur friends” in
the casket may be in direct violation of state laws (each state
has their own laws pertaining to the co-mingling of human
and pet remains). Cemeteries unwittingly inter both human
and beast together forever. What are the ramifications when
the cemetery has no knowledge of the contents of the casket?
What happens when the pet lovers demand from their legis-
lature the right to be buried with their pets? How will we, as
an industry, respond to the growing trend of people being in-
terred in pet cemeteries? Articles have been written showing
that some people do not even have pets in that cemetery, but
are seeking a lower price alternative to traditional burial op-
tions. Are we going to be proactive in our approach to this lat-
est desire coming from our customers? Or will we be like the
proverbial ostrich and stick our heads in the ground*, hop-
ing that we will look around down there and see our grounds
filled with fresh burials?
This much is certain: people will die and leave loved ones
behind who miss them and mourn their passing. We are
Changing
Lives
Through
Laughter
charged with helping those loved ones make final plans
for the disposition of the remains. We hope that they will
hold a visitation, funeral service and burial in a human
cemetery. We know that they may choose an alternative
option varying from direct cremation with no service to
a service following visitation at the funeral home and tak-
ing their loved one’s remains home with them. No mat-
ter what the family chooses, I cannot help but to think
that their decision begins at their very first exposure to
death. If Cuddles got the funeral service and burial such
a fine hamster deserves, shouldn’t the same be true for
Mom or Dad?
* Note: Ostriches don’t really stick their heads in the
sand. It is only a phrase to illustrate a point. In fact the
concept was even discussed by Pliny the Elder when he
wrote, “they imagine, when they have thrust their head
and neck into a bush, that the whole of their body is con-
cealed.” Pliny was a very smart man in his time (he died
in 79 AD when he went to rescue people from the erup-
tion of Mt. Vesuvius), but even he was wrong sometimes.
Let’s try to learn from him not to be so sure that our ob-
servations of life are correct, but delve a bit deeper and
continue to be proactive to our ever changing industry.
Mt. Greenwood Cemetery hosts “The Tombstone”
5k Run/Walk in Chicago
CHICAGO,IL—
On October 20, 2012,
Mt. Greenwood
Cemetery
and
Running Excels
located in Chicago hosted
“The Tombstone” 5k Run/Walk. The proceeds from this
event benefited The Maeve McNicholas Memorial Foun-
dation and Team Nate. The Maeve McNicholas Memorial
Foundation was established to support research on pediat-
ric brain tumors. TeamNate is a group that donates money
to the Heart Connection Family Bereavement Program at
Little Company of Mary Hospital in Nathan’s honor.
Costumes were encour-
aged and prizes were
awarded. The cemetery
had family events after the
run/walk. According to
Cemetery President
Pau-
la Everett
, over 400 peo-
ple participated and were
able to enjoy the beautiful
weather and fall colors of
the cemetery. Mt. Green-
wood Cemetery is located
at 2900 W. 111th St, Chi-
cago, IL 60643.