January 2022

Page A20 JANUARY 2022 FUNERAL HOME & CEMETERY NEWS Se c t i on A positive impact you can have on your family, workplace, and community. Good luck to all widowers on this new journey of self- discovery. It also means finding a good Grief Therapist (not general therapist) and hopefully a grief group in your area. You may find the first meeting or two to be chal- lenging for you, but if you stick it out and open your mind you are likely to discover this really can help. A part of this healing process also involves learning how to be your own best friend. You just lost your best friend, had half of your identity torn away, and are struggling to find who you now are. If you focus on be- ing your own worst enemy, it is unlikely that you will be successful rebuilding a new and productive you. However, if you decide that you are going to be your best new friend, then you can focus on forgiving your- self for imagined and real mistakes that you may have made during your marriage and while caring for your wife. You can begin to do as your wife did…which was to encourage and support your continued growth as a human being living in an imperfect world. Will you get there overnight? Hell no! Just like build- ing new friendships in your workplace or neighbor- hood, this development of your friendship with your- self takes a lot of work. And I mean real work! Not just uttering nice phrases and patting yourself on the back, but a concerted effort to recognize and build on the good already in you, and then seeking to develop creative new ways to become the new and better per- son that your wife always knew you could be. These can include volunteering at area nonprofits (e.g. food banks), being a mentor to your grandchil- dren or young people at your workplace, creating art for others to enjoy, and much more. If you suc- ceed you may be pleasantly surprised to discover the Widowers: Be a Better Friend…to Yourself! “We have to learn to be our own best friend because we fall too easily into the trap of being our own worst enemies.” —Roderick Thorp So often during our deep grieving we widowers fall into the trap of condemning ourselves, dwelling on our regrets, and/or doubting ourselves. Instead of cel- ebrating the great marriage we had and honoring our wives, we turn on ourselves and focus on the negatives. This can only lead to an even more difficult and lon- ger grieving experience, which for some may result in what is called “complicated grief.” Once you find yourself in this negative space, it can feed itself with self-inflicted wounds and a deterioration of your abil- ity to find a way out. When you settle into this state of mind, you are apt to dismiss the very things that might help you, such as seeing a grief therapist. Much like an addiction to alcohol or drugs, your psycho-emotional state feeds upon itself and rationalizes all the bad deci- sions you may be making. The further into this state of mind that you fall, the more you drive away the very people who could help you. Family and friends may give up on you, may be offended by some of your words and actions, and may cut their ties to you. Then you really are isolated. So how do you get out of this state of mind? The first and most important step is to recognize that you are becoming your own worst enemy, and that you need help to get out of this pit of despair. This means reach- ing out to those who still are in your support circle and letting them know that you need and are willing to ac- cept any support they can offer. By Fred Colby Working With Widowers Fred Colby has served as a director, board member and consul- tant for nonprofit organizations in California and Colorado. After his wife, Theresa, died in 2015 Fred shifted his focus to writing and leadership roles to help his fellow widowers heal and re-engage with life. He co-founded the Pathways Hospice Men’s Grief Group and an online grief group. He resides in Ft. Collins, Colorado. For more information go to: www.fredcolby.com. Fred Colby’s new 2nd edition blends his own story with research, observa- tions, and experiences during the first year of grieving the loss of his wife, plus what he learned after his first edition was printed. The book is in part a result of his frustration with the lack of other in-depth or quality materials available to help fellow widowers. His search for an- W idower to W idower Surviving the End of Your Most Important Relationship N ew S econd E dition To see what others are saying about W idower to W idower go to https://www.fredcolby.com/media Special Offer — 5 Books for $49.99 https://www.fredcolby.com/buy-books/order- 5-pack-for-groups w w w . F r e d C o l b y . c o m swers took him to group meetings, individual counseling sessions, writings by fellow widowers, and discussions resulting from hap - penstance meetings with fellow travelers on the grief journey. NFDA General Price List Stud y NFDA calculates the national median cost of a cost of a funeral with crema- tion by totaling the cost of the following items: basic services fee, removal/transfer of remains to funeral home, embalming and other preparation of the body, use of facilities and staff for viewing and a fu- neral ceremony, use of a service car/van, basic memorial printed package, crema- tion fee, cremation casket, and urn. The median cost does not include the price of interment in a cemetery, monument/ marker costs or other miscellaneous cash advance charges. Item 2021 2016 % Change Nondeclinable basic services fee $2,300 $2,100 9.5% Removal/transfer of remains to funeral home $350 $325 7.7% Embalming $775 $725 6.9% Other preparation of the body $275 $250 10.0% Use of facilities/staff for viewing $450 $425 5.9% Use of facilities/staff for funeral ceremony $515 $500 3.0% Service car/van $150 $150 0.0% Printed materials (basic memorial package) $183 $160 14.1% Cremation fee (if firm uses a third-party) * $368 $350 5.0% Cremation casket $1,310 $1,000 31.0% Urn $295 $275 7.3% Median Cost of a Funeral with Viewing and Cremation $6,970 $6,260 11.3% * 59.9% of respondents use a third-party crematory (i.e., the funeral home does not own a crematory) Continued from Page A19 Continued on page A27 National Median Cost of an Adult Funeral with V iewing and Cremation • Rental casket: $995 • Metal Burial Casket: $2,500 • Wood Burial Casket: $3,000 • Green Burial Casket: $1,500 Other national median costs reported in the survey for 2021 include: • Cremation Casket: $1,310 • Alternative Cremation Container: $150 • Vault: $1,572 • Urn: $295 info@Nomi sPubl i cat ions. com CALL 1-800-321-7479 FAx 1-800-321-9040 PO Box 5159 , Youngstown, OH 44514 www.Nomi sPubl i cat ions. com FUNERAL HOME & CEMETERY NEWS Send Us Your News!